I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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