so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
