There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
