is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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