I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
