uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
