awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
