the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Randomize
