ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
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Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
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We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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