Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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