fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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