Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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