Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
