When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
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