Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Randomize
