new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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