just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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