Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
