Who did Billy Mays play for?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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