when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
