Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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