Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I bet he comes in French.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
