That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
