last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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