this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Randomize
