I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
When are your genitals available?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize