i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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