he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
