Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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