what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
