You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
