Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
