Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
