Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I will pee on everything he values.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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