Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Randomize
