i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
