My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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