I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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