i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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