Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
