my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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