She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
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