We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
