Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
