there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
