I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
