How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
