im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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