I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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