Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
