You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
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