I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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