I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
