you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
