new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
