The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
