I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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