I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
