I cannot find my penis.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
