Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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