Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
