what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
