i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize