hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
