I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
