checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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