I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
