I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
